All around me I see friends having a baby no 2 after a gap of say 3 or 4 years. My friend had her in-laws and her parents alternate every few months to take care of their first.Somehow day cares left their daughter very sick and hence the arrangement. She herself had a very difficult 1st pregnancy what with being asked to stay in bed for a few months.
Nothing deterred them from planning a baby no 2. I talk here of modern Indian households- where women work in software firms, draw handsome-salaries, hold managerial roles and are in no mood to give up a career.
I sat in a recent team outing discussing with 2 other mommies about kids, how they manage etc etc. One said having a baby soon after her wedding was what the family intended. The intention was to have one when the ladies (read grand moms and great grand moms ) were still in good condition.
Somehow in many Indian households , grand parents default as day care providers.India is only slowly waking up to the day care concept. If grand parents were to double up as parents in the initial 3-4 years, one key parameter that would play a major role is their health condition. I had my mom-in-law help a lot with the initial 3 months when we had our first.She would stay up late and not shy away from rocking the new born to sleep in the dead of the night. In 3 years, I have watched her health detoriate too .Remember, parents age faster than you do and most grand moms are also dealing with their own health issues such a menopause
That makes me bring an important question. Career, finances may be 2 major questions that may crop up when you plan a baby .
Do modern Indian couples also consider the age of their parents when they plan their babies.Shouldn’t then discussions also be drawn with grand parents and consensus taken from them if they default as primary day care providers for kids ?
That also brings up another topic – Is it better to have babies in the early or mid 20’s like the previous generation , so that when your children reach their 30’s, you can help with the upbringing of your grand children?
My mom was 53 when she had her first grand child and was a VERY HANDS-ON grandmom
P.S : My friend’s M-I-L blatantly refused to relocate temporarily to US to help with her 3rd delivery. It took a lot of -if-you-don’t-help-how-will-I-manage dialogues to get her the U.S
In a way it proves , not to take any help for granted. Planning a 2nd or a 3rd definitely needs to be discussed with parents if you intend to take their help or ask them to relocate ! Let us not take parents for granted !